Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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