it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
