You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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