i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
