I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
