i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
