dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
