i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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