Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she smelled like a LAN party
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
