you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
