if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
