I could make wine with my vomit
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
