I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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