Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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