so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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