I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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