honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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