Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
