I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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