im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
