I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
