As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
