He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
vagina is talking i cant
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
