I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
