i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
