He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
