Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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