so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
