girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
