Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I accidentally burped into my bong.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
