i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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