is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
