I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
