Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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