Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
