I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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