she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
