her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
