That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
