windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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