yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
