We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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