There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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