You're so nebulous sometimes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
