She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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