I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
