He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
