dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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