she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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