my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
