um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
